Friday, January 06, 2006

Another Year

2006 is upon me, and tradition obliges me to examine my life and my goals. Resolutions are expected, and sincere ones are the hardest to come up with. I could stick to the trite and resolve to quit smoking or lose ten pounds, but I don't think either of these results will make me a better person. On the contrary, giving up my cigarettes and sweets might turn me into a whining, rampaging bitch. Furthermore, what's the point of a resolution if you're fairly sure you'll fail at keeping it?

After thinking over my life and what's wrong with it, I've decided to make a single resolution for the year 2006. By the end of May, I resolve to be living in my own apartment with nobody but Sonja. In all of my nearly thirty years, I have lived alone for only about six weeks, and it was glorious until a couple of parasites sabatoged the situation. The idea of being all alone in the world with nobody to depend on scares me a little, but it also appeals to me immensely. I always find myself craving solitude and wishing I didn't have to share my home with someone else and all their problems. I think, at this point, I am more than ready to face the world all alone.

I'll have to work a lot harder, but phone sex is a job I've enjoyed immensely. It's convenient, interesting as hell, and the money is good if you know how to market and pace yourself. I still feel a little abashed when I tell people exactly what I do for a living -- you can't imagine the weird looks and questions I get -- but I can't quite bring myself to lie. Lying is something I abhor and make almost daily resolutions not to indulge in the habit. If my job (or anything I do) ever shames me enough that I can't bring myself to admit doing it, it's time to do something else.

There you have my new year's introspection. I resolve not to lie to anyone and to get the hell away from all the people I've been living with. With few exceptions, nobody I've ever lived with has been truly horrible to endure, but even the most interesting person I've ever known -- my ex-husband, ironically -- wears on my nerves after only a few months. Therefore, the problem surely lies in me, but a good stretch of solitude might fix said problem. If not, it will leave me no one else to blame when I screw it all up.

Happy New Year!


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